So I feel the need to complain further about the whole weight loss/getting fat thing. I promise after this I will step off the soap box and post something fun.
At the beginning of the summer I did a fit test at my gym. The news was not good. I pretty much failed everything and the final result was my body age being that of a 35 year old. I am 32 by the way. LAME... Also keep in mind that for my whole life I have been working out, doing my best to eat right, etc. etc. blah blah blah...
So Dan, who by the way I am way proud of, has just recently begun working out again after an 11 year, on again off again, hiatus. He took the same fit test from the same gym and viola, has the body of a 29 year old. ****SO MUCH ANGER!!!**** He has not missed the opportunity to point out the three year difference between us and has begun calling me a cougar. Not cool Dan.
He also does not fail to point out that if he continues working out as he has been, he will soon gain the body of a 21 year old.
And this is why I hate men.
I eat a grape and gain a pound. He starts drinking water and loses 10. Did I miss the "design the human body" meeting in the pre-life? I am pretty sure that I would have noticed this major flaw. Hello????? Women who run around all day chasing kids, picking up kids, grabbing grocery's, up and down, left and right, and then go to the gym and work out for an hour, then just in case add another run for 20 minutes, just on the chance the hour long workout wasn't "good enough", then rushes home, cleans the house, makes dinner, puts kids to bed, and then finally for the first time in the entire day sits down at 10:30 at night, does not lose one pound. She is maintaining. Read the previous post if you want to know what it takes to lose...
Men on the other hand, wake up, sit in a car, sit at a desk, work out for an hour (if he wants to,) then sits in a car, then sits at a table, then sits on the couch, then lays in a bed...this man will lose 20 pounds.
So I would like to call for a re-vote on the whole system here. Time to go back to the drawing board and fix this situation people. And while we are at it, can we go ahead and just nix the whole body hair thing, I am so sick of shaving...
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I'm Baaaaaack
Alright, I have heard the moaning and groaning. I will start posting again to this blog. Let the cheering commence. I actually almost deleted it, but I finally took pity on the three people that follow me and decided to be a better person than that. Therefore as your reward you get to hear my latest rant...Oldness.
What the heck! Why do we have to get old. And fat, what is up with that? And why do they combine it the way they do. Old and Fat. I am really bugged about the whole situation. If you live to be 80, you get about 25,(29 if you take care of yourself) years to look fabulous. Than you get 55 years of ugly? What kind of deal is that? Your not even a grown up for 18 of those 25 years. So really, you only get like 7 years to enjoy it. But your self-esteem is so shot from being a teenager that you don't even realize that you are fabulous until your turn 30. THEN you look back and think, wow, wish I could look like that again. But it's too late, you are 30 and you now have some crows feet coming in, and there is some flubby jiggle on your thighs, and what is that?? A hair? A hair growing out of your chin!?!?! So you work out, you pluck the hair, you eat healthy, try not to smile or frown too much, and look again. What? You look exhausted. You stayed up till 9:10 and now look like a zombie. You used to be able to stay up till 4am, and wake up looking refreshed and ready to go. Now if you don't get a full 18 hours of sleep, you look like you've been up for a year.
And your voice, there is something different about your voice, it has a nag to it. A "stop doing that, don't break that, leave it alone, don't forget this, trash is not a toy, are you listening, don't hit your brother, look out for the wall, I don't know where your shoe is, why are you naked, water stays in the tub, we don't eat bugs, not right now" sort of nag. What happened? You used to be fun and pleasant and energetic. You used to walk out the door and not care if you had makeup on, because you looked good either way. Now there are looks, looks from younger people that tell you "you really should have put some makeup on."
I know someone older than me is going to say, "you are still young and you should appreciate it while it lasts." Well guess what? I am not appreciating it, because the bad news is that it just keeps getting worse! I see my future and it involves 4 hour workouts on 600 calories a day, with a two hour makeup session, two hours more of meditation and than 18 hours of full sleep. All in the name of beauty. Just thinking about it makes me feel exhausted. And of course it is nearly midnight so I am adding to the wonderful bags below my eyes. I think I will just go eat a pizza, yes a whole pizza, stay up all night, and skip my workout. There is no use fighting it any more. This is who I am.
What the heck! Why do we have to get old. And fat, what is up with that? And why do they combine it the way they do. Old and Fat. I am really bugged about the whole situation. If you live to be 80, you get about 25,(29 if you take care of yourself) years to look fabulous. Than you get 55 years of ugly? What kind of deal is that? Your not even a grown up for 18 of those 25 years. So really, you only get like 7 years to enjoy it. But your self-esteem is so shot from being a teenager that you don't even realize that you are fabulous until your turn 30. THEN you look back and think, wow, wish I could look like that again. But it's too late, you are 30 and you now have some crows feet coming in, and there is some flubby jiggle on your thighs, and what is that?? A hair? A hair growing out of your chin!?!?! So you work out, you pluck the hair, you eat healthy, try not to smile or frown too much, and look again. What? You look exhausted. You stayed up till 9:10 and now look like a zombie. You used to be able to stay up till 4am, and wake up looking refreshed and ready to go. Now if you don't get a full 18 hours of sleep, you look like you've been up for a year.
And your voice, there is something different about your voice, it has a nag to it. A "stop doing that, don't break that, leave it alone, don't forget this, trash is not a toy, are you listening, don't hit your brother, look out for the wall, I don't know where your shoe is, why are you naked, water stays in the tub, we don't eat bugs, not right now" sort of nag. What happened? You used to be fun and pleasant and energetic. You used to walk out the door and not care if you had makeup on, because you looked good either way. Now there are looks, looks from younger people that tell you "you really should have put some makeup on."
I know someone older than me is going to say, "you are still young and you should appreciate it while it lasts." Well guess what? I am not appreciating it, because the bad news is that it just keeps getting worse! I see my future and it involves 4 hour workouts on 600 calories a day, with a two hour makeup session, two hours more of meditation and than 18 hours of full sleep. All in the name of beauty. Just thinking about it makes me feel exhausted. And of course it is nearly midnight so I am adding to the wonderful bags below my eyes. I think I will just go eat a pizza, yes a whole pizza, stay up all night, and skip my workout. There is no use fighting it any more. This is who I am.
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